Potentially one of the most difficult aspects of walking the Christian life is prayer. I don’t mind being completely honest about this because it is indeed quite mysterious and wonderous, and hard to grasp. And a common theme with humans is this tendency to take the awesome and inexplicable and make it quite ordinary and simple. We have not spared prayer either. In trying to make the concept of prayer palpable to everyone, we have used terms like dialogue, conversation, or just talking to God. The problem with this is that in insisting that spiritual things can and should make sense in our minds, we lose the sacredness of them. 1 Corinthians 2 v 14 says that
“The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.”
When it comes to prayer, only God can define the true purpose of it. Any other words we use will fall short and has. If prayer is a hard concept to understand, what some perceive as unanswered prayer is an even more difficult pill to swallow, and a very hard theological issue to resolve. The thing is, when we have begged and pleaded with God for years on end and our situation has not changed or even gotten worse, it requires of us to take a deep and hard look at the God we call good and loving. And at times we do not like what we see.
I know people who have taken this deep, hard look at God. I have a friend who prayed that God would save the life of his 8-year-old son only to have him pass away in his hospital bed. He has never stepped into a church since and has given up the God who did not hear his cry. Every time he shares this story, which he has many times, my heart breaks. “I don’t want anything to do with a God like that”, he says.
I have another friend who has been praying for the past 20 years that her son be healed of autism. Why wouldn’t God heal him? In our own family, we’ve been praying for over 25 years for my sister and brother-in-law to be blessed with a baby. There are prayers for spouses, unsaved friends, broken marriages, health of loved ones, the list goes on. Many of these prayers have met their finality in a “no” from God. Others seem to have no end to them.
So, what do we do with our unanswered prayers? What do we do when the Almighty, all powerful, and all good God doesn’t answer our prayers or doesn’t answer them the way we want Him to?
What do we do with our unanswered prayers?
In this post, I’d like to direct your eyes to a few scriptures in the Bible that could provide insight, maybe some action items, and even some much-needed comfort.
- When considering unanswered prayers, the first place I would go to is my own heart, to sift it and see if I am the deterrent to my own prayers. The Word of God makes it clear that there are certain reasons because of which God refuses to hear the prayer of even his own children. I’ll be honest in that I was unaware of these for a very long time. I just assumed that God was waiting to hear from me and answer my prayers. God doesn’t expect perfection from us but there are some reasons for which he will not answer prayers. We covered this a little in the first episode on prayer but I wanted to share a few specific verses here that could help us make sure that we are not the reasons that our prayers are not being heard. The first is
James 1 v 5-8
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”
So, the very first thing we should search for in our heart is doubt. Let me also make it clear that there is a difference in the kind of doubt that we surrender to God like the father who came to Jesus with his son for healing, where he says, “I believe Lord, but help my unbelief”. But then there is the kind of doubt, that is not from a place of humility, rather it is self-protective. In your heart you are not expecting God will or wants to answer your prayer. This is the kind of doubt that James is referring to and that makes us a double minded person who shouldn’t expect anything at all from God.
Another thing one should search for is the condition of our hearts.
James 4 v 3 says
“You ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly to spend it on your passions.”
It matters to God why you are asking for what you are asking. This may seem simple and obvious at face value. I’m praying for my marriage because I want to be happy and give my children a safe home. These are valid and good reasons to pray for your marriage. However, as you grow as a Christian, the Lord is teaching you so much more about marriage. He desires for our hearts to grow from the prayers of “I want to be happy” to “Help my life glorify you in every way” and “Help my marriage point others to you”.
A third reason we search our hearts is to see how we treat the people in our lives. These verses are quite clear and don’t require more words to them. So I will just read.
1 Peter 3 v 7
“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Matthew 5 v 23,24
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you , leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.”
Isaiah 58 v6 – 9
“Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house, when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’”
This would be the first thing you should do when it comes to the unanswered prayers in your life. Check your heart to see if you are wrestling with prideful doubt, search your heart for worthy intentions behind prayers, and make sure your heart is pure in your dealings with people around you, specifically your spouse, the oppressed, and your brethren.
- Another reason God would say “no” or ‘not yet” to our desperate pleas is found in Isaiah 55 v 8 and 9.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
I’ve underlined, starred, and highlighted this passage in my Bible because every time I feel stumped, discouraged, doubtful or fearful, or in this case, wondering why my prayers are not being answered, these words ground me. Followers of the Christian God must come to terms with this fundamental truth expressed in these verses. It should become the foundation upon which we build any understanding we have of God. His thoughts and ways supersede ours in every sense. They are not just different than ours, His ways are higher than ours. This means that most of the time we will not understand why God does things the way He does them. And that’s okay. He doesn’t expect us to understand Him but to trust Him. The Christian is called to have faith in the God who promises to incline His ear to us and answer us.
- The third point I would like to share with you on what we should do with unanswered prayers is to give thanks for them. Why would one ever give thanks for unanswered prayers? Let me explain.
Paul Miller, in his book The Praying Life, likens unanswered prayers in a believer’s life to a desert. What an apt metaphor! It is in our unanswered prayers that we feel the most lonely, tired, and desperate. We hunger and thirst for an answer from God.
Miller writes – “God takes everyone He loves through a desert….The still, dry air of the desert brings the sense of helplessness that is so crucial to the spirit of prayer.”
Miller continues to explain how in the desert we come to the end of ourselves. He says, “Desert life sanctifies you. You have no idea you are changing. You simply notice after you’ve been in the desert awhile that you are different.”
Miller says that this horrid and dry yet sanctifying desert “becomes to us a window to the heart of God…. The best gift of the desert is God’s presence.”
This is why we should give thanks. It is the unanswered prayers in life, that keeps our eyes on our Father.
Unanswered prayer is arguably the heaviest burden you will carry as a Christian. But I hope that in the desert of unanswered prayers you will lean into the faithfulness of the promise-keeping God, trust in His ways that are higher than your own, and let the sanctifying work of the Spirit work in you to draw you closer to your Creator.
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