If the Lord of the universe were to ask you where you brother or sister were, how would you answer? What do you think you’d tell Him other than what He already knows? When we read the story of Cain and Abel, it’s clear God is not asking Cain for Abel’s literal whereabouts, but to give an account of his action and attitude toward his brother. Ultimately, we will all have to give an answer to this question because the word of God says in James 5:9 “Don’t grumble, brothers, against one another, so that you won’t be judged”.
In Matthew, Jesus summarizes the law into two commandments – “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’. In this series on PUYB, we are exploring this second commandment, that refers to the horizontal relationships we have in our lives. Last week we talked about how God gave us parents to train us on how to be submissive and obedient to authority – a practice ground for the vertical relationship we have with God. This week, we are talking about sibling relationships. How we learn to deal with siblings will equip us to deal other future horizontal relationships.
When you think of it, the first time we experience things like camaraderie, kindness, consideration, compassion, jealousy, anger, competitiveness, and a myriad of emotions, even hate, is within the security of our sibling relationships. Cain and Abel, the very first set of siblings, were no exception. We read in the Book of Genesis that Cain and Abel came before God with the fruit of their labor. Being a farmer, Cain “brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground”. Abel, a keeper of sheep, the Bible says, “brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions”. God favors Abel’s honorable sacrifice and has no regard for Cain’s. Instead of rectifying his mistake of irreverent worship and careless attitude in his sacrifice to God, Cain is consumed with anger and jealousy. God in his grace, reminds Cain to watch out for the sin that is brimming in his heart against his brother, warning him that it will rule over him if he doesn’t rule over it. We know how this story ends. Cain didn’t heed to the word of God and ended up murdering his brother.
It’s easy for us to brush away the lesson in this story. After all not many of us have harbored murderous thoughts toward our siblings. I sure hope not. But all sibling relationships that God highlights in the Bible like Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph, and his brothers, and countless more, give us insight into how to use wisdom in our own sibling relationships. The word of God is clearly telling us that it matters – not just because our family is explicitly chosen for us by our very intentional God and we must therefore cherish each one; but also because our very character is refined in the fires of sibling relationships as we seek the wisdom in the Word of God to deal with the variety of emotions and feelings that arise between siblings.
Those of us who are parents to young siblings must patiently train our children to treat each other with love, kindness, forgiveness, and all other godly characteristics. Older children should learn to value their role as older siblings and see and practice the responsibility that lies in it. Part of this responsibility is showing compassion, kindness, and mercy to younger siblings. Parents have a role in training older siblings to act with such character. Esau for a lack of understanding of the value of being the first-born gave his birthright away. Joseph’s brothers, for a lack of compassion, dealt more than harshly with him. On the same token, younger siblings should be trained to respect and consider their older siblings’ example and respond to them in love and humility. Talk with children about feelings of anger, jealousy and even hatred toward their siblings. When you do this with your child, you as a parent can lead them to the Bible and to train them to rule over their hearts as God advised Cain. I am currently in this phase of parenting and can confidently say that this is no easy task. But, as parents we persevere in the wisdom of Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it”.
As we grow older, let us take the responsibility for ourselves and seriously consider the role we play in our siblings’ lives. We have these God given relationships that we should cherish and protect. Check in with your siblings – not just superficially. As much as it’s up to you try to know the details of their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Pray with them and for them. Encourage each other to persevere in marriage, friendship, parenting and above all, faith. And when God asks you, as He did Cain, for an account of your actions toward your sibling, you will have an answer that pleases your Father in heaven.
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