“Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6 v 1-3
It’s always intrigued me that there is no other species that has such an extended period of training under parents as humans do . But it doesn’t surprise me. As I often say, God is so intentional, in all things. It’s not just about having parents to take care of our physical and emotional needs. Parents are authority figures ordained to train us in the ways of the Lord. And as we read in the verses above, children are called to be obedient as well as honor their parents. Here, I’d like to address a few points that often come up with this topic.
- Are their eligibility criteria for parents that are to be obeyed and honored?
Now, I realize that there is no way to know each personal family situation. However, I propose that unless personal safety is at stake or obedience to parents would mean disobedience to God, these commandments are uncompromising. There is a biblical mandate to obey parents despite their spiritual maturity, brokenness, and even sin. Remember that God put this commandment in place after the fall, which means it was given despite the fallen nature of our parents. We have come to believe, especially the older we get, that we are not required to obey our parents if we disagree with them, especially if we have the support of other spiritual friends or other Christian elders in our lives. The truth is no other person has been given the authority in your life as your parents. And despite their unreasonableness, the cultural gap, maturity you are required to live in obedience to them
2. Can I be a God honoring Christian if I do not get along with my parents?
Our ability to submit to the authority and disciplining of our parents is strong evidence of the quality of our submission to God. Those of us who struggle to obey and honor our parents will also wrestle with submission to the authority of God. The only exception to this commandment is when the parents’ instruction is in direct violation to God. For example, you are being required to bow down before other gods, or you are being asked to marry an unbeliever while you are a believer.
3. Do I ever outgrow the commandment to obey my parents?
I know almost everyone will have beef with me over my understanding of this. The popular view is that once you are out of the house, independent, and earning your own means, you are no longer required to obey your parents but rather honor them. I will be honest and say that I do not see this idea supported anywhere in the Bible. The one area where I believe the dynamics of obedience to parents shift is with the establishing of a new family unit. But till then I believe that as young people we are called to obey and as we get older we are also called to honor. It is a compounding experience as opposed to a retracting one. (Some verses from the Bible that led me to this understanding is Deuteronomy 21- 18-21, 1 Samuel 2 v 12-36, 2 Samuel 13, 1 Kings 1). Please know that I understand how nonsensical it sounds to this world to ask an adult to live in obedience to their parents. Let me remind you that it is God who requires this of us. Not me. I am simply trying to understand this commandment/promise for myself and encourage others to figure out how to live it out.
It takes a lot of humility to submit to anyone. The beautiful truth about the relationship between parent and child is that there is the protection and promise of God. God promises to honor your obedience to this commandment with a blessed life. And you know you can bank on His word.
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