I’ve been feeling the need to do something about my ever waning patience for quite some time. The older I get, the less patience I seem to have for anything or anyone. This is neither productive nor helpful. More importantly, it is not Christ-like.
I have tried the “fake it till you make it” strategy. Though this gets me through particular situations it hardly makes a dent in my character. And at the end of the day, though I projected patience to the world, when I looked at the condition of my heart, it hadn’t changed. I’ve also attempted the “avoid certain situations/people at all costs”. But seriously, how long can you keep that going? And the – quiet walks, long solitary breaks, screaming into a pillow, fetal position in a closet in the basement. I’ve tried it all, people. But in the end it didn’t make me more like my Father. No meaningful solution to be found. Until…
I started praying about it. I know… this sounds cliche… but it is the truth. I realized that no amount of self help was going to work with me. I need God to change this character in me. So, at the beginning of the year, I began to earnestly pray about it. My prayer has been, “Lord, help me be more patient and gentle because I want to be more like you”.
One morning in January, God brought my attention to Ecclesiastes Chapter 7. For those of you not familiar with this chapter, it is one that highlights the contrast between wisdom and folly. It has a poetic discourse in the form of what some refer to as ‘sentence literature’, like that found in Proverbs. Concepts are presented in dialectic pairs. Like, The State of A is better than the state of B, kind of format.
I immediately zoned in on verse 8(b) – “…and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit“.
I always thought of patience as simply the opposite of impatience. And impatience could be justified for in my life -impossible/immature people, demands on me or my time, tiredness, hunger, non-stop chatter of two young girls paused only for the gazillion questions shot my way every day etc. I’ve also considered patience as the opposite of haste. Even, patience as the opposite of a short temper.
But patience being the opposite of pride. Didn’t consider that and it pierced my soul. It convicted me because it is so true in my case. My impatience is indeed a pride issue. Though it is a harsh truth to discover about myself, I feel so free because of it. If you diagnose the exact cause of an infectious rash you can use the right medicine on it…and healing is sure to follow.
See what the Bible does! It is like a mirror reflecting the very core of your soul. Not to hopeless despair but to realize your need for a Savior and His mercy. And the good Lord knows I need Him!
In Christ Alone,
Cynthia.
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